The lack of direction in my life is starting to bother me more and more every day.  I mostly can’t do what I want to do without getting screamed at. My goals and aims seem to have become clouded.

It really sucks when you’ve the blues.  England’s beckoning more and more every day.

My step-mother-in-law and her husband were travelling back from Eagle Lake powwow and they hit a moose.  The moose went on top of the cab and crushed the cab of their truck.  Her airbag didn’t deploy and she got cuts and bruises.  His airbag did and hit him in the chest.  They’re real lucky to be alive.  The moose bit it of course.

Doing a website for Grandpa (Lena’s dad)… all about his service in the USMC in the Pacific.  That’ll be available to look at soon.

Being here and seeing the rampant racism from white people and the police has made me think about what goes on in England.  Of course it happens and I always knew that – now I’m more inclined to believe stories I hear.  The racism here in Canada is different though.  Different being it’s directed towards an original indigenous population who are being oppressed and becoming victims by an alien system (the Federal government) in their own homes and lands.

I am so fukking stressed out it’s not even funny.

I’ll keep the previous blog there because it’s a record of my thoughts… but I’ve in the last five minutes changed my way of thinking on everything in the last blog (except for the hope about Canada’s aboriginal people rising up).  I wonder what’s the Ojibwe word for ‘intifada’?

Anyway the reason for my change of heart is I was reading the BBC News website about the murder of 54 children in Qana, Lebanon.  I thought to myself ‘what right do I have to gripe and bitch about woes and sadness when there’s children across the ocean having to worry about staying alive, let alone worrying about the snidey gossiping of a few of their community?’.

I’ve made a permanent decision – I’m not going to allow the snideyness and vindictiveness on Dalles get to me any more.  There is far more important things in life to worry and think about.  There’ll always be five people on this reserve that I do not like, but I don’t for one second wish anybody on Dalles harm.  It’s not right for me or anyone else to think like that.

It said in the news that Israel has agreed to a 48hour cessation in aerial bombing of South Lebanon to investigate the murder.  After the murder of 750 civilian non-combatant Lebanese, this is a welcome announcement.  Maybe they’ll have the sense to stop it altogether and go in on the ground with troops like men instead of wimping out and bombing from hundreds of feet in the air?

The killing goes on. With cowardly cluster bombs. 400+ civilians is shameful. What’s the Lebanese death ratio of Hezbollah to civilians in this conflict? Israel needs to get its shit together.

What makes one person better than another? People could argue many things, but what I’d say makes it so is the content of a person’s character. Nothing else makes someone better than another… money doesn’t, power doesn’t, employment doesn’t. The sooner some people around me start realising that, the quieter my life will be.

My stepson’s got his eye on a couple of girls. They’re all his age and quite pretty – I hope he gets one for his girl.

My son has had a persistent cough for about a month now. We took him to Doctor Harland where we got some anti-biotics for him. We’re giving them to him and his cough seems to be calming down more. His breathing is still laboured a bit so every so often we’re giving him the two types of inhaler that Doctor Harland gave us.

It’s going to a great loss for this town when Doctor Harland decides to retire. He is a truly magnificent paediatrician. Aside from being British, he’s got this excellent ability to put your mind at ease.

I’ve put a list of people who have the same name as me – Ryan Paul – as one of the pages on this blog. So if you look on the menu to the right, you’ll see a link to Ryan Paul’s. Check them out – figured it’d be cool for people to see who else has this excellent name.

I was totally psyched the day after my birthday – my sister called me and we spoke for around ten minutes.

She’s got a new job now after her previous asshole boss did what he does best.

Lorraine’s just come out of hospital yesterday after being in there for three days. Pancreatitis caused it and now she’s on insulin for her diabetes. We gotta start shopping real carefully too with a next-to-no-fat diet.

My cousin Storme added me to her hotmail a while ago and I didn’t know who it was. This name kept appearing on my MSN online and I ignored it coz I didn’t know who it was until I saw the avatar photo. She’s awesome most definitely. I wish I could bring Storme and Kalme to Kenora. They’d LOVE it! I wish Marie & Aunt Jennifer could come here but I doubt they ever will.

It’s mad hot here at thirty degrees – totally uncomfortable, hot and sweaty too. I wish it would rain and rain and rain and rain. No more damn forest fires. Those are a real danger too. It’s growing evidence of how much the United States and China really are messing up our environment. Why can’t people just stop using damn motor cars and use hybrids instead? Or at least tell all these stupid ass morons in Canada and the United States to stop using four wheel drive vehicles with engine sizes of 4.0L or more? It’s not needed… and more than one is just an example of western greed. I do perfectly well in my 2.0L Neon in the summer and winter so long as I drive careful and have good tires. Stupid stupid stupid.

The same idiotic fool that accused my woman of stealing from the pow-wow committee is the same idiotic fool that’s accused the Cobiness family generally of stealing, saying that they all will keep stealing.

If we’re going in for this whole trying to smear the names of members of particular families, I could sit here and tell the complete truth about quite a few people, which would not only make them look like the dirtbags they are, but no doubt they’d be up in arms over it.

There are two families on the reserve I do like, and have never had any problems with. One member of one of those families I have an issue with because something was said concerning the Cobiness family, which includes my son… but aside from that these two families are pretty decent. Don’t cause any trouble as far as I know.

The Dalles reserve is poison. All that it would take to make it a nice place is get rid of ten people, and all the families would get along famously. Obviously that’ll never happen so I’m doomed to not liking a few people forever.

Now the Chief and a councillor have been pushing to charge people rent on the reserve. Apparently it was agreed to a long time ago.

Certain Band employees have already had their paycheque garnished. That’s a whole heap of crap. Do you think the Councillor concerned and the Chief will have their cheques garnished? Do you think they’ll be paying rent? HELL NO!

Totally sick of the double standards on this reserve. I still hold out hope that one day there’ll be a Chief & Council that will ALL act professionally instead of only one fighting to do what’s right.

Some people are saying I shouldn’t put what goes on around Dalles, on this blog. Why should I not? To the people that object to this… what are you ashamed of? Why don’t you want people to know that you’re trying to force people on welfare to pay rent, but you guys who get fat cheques every two weeks aren’t paying rent at all?

Y’all make me sick. You should be ashamed of yourselves.