Three days ago after the woman went to play cards, I got a couple of my old Mp3 cd’s and cranked up the system.  Nicolas and myself danced solidly from 8pm to 12pm and it was the most fun I’d had in five years.  Nicolas was jumping up and down to each song that came on, with me copying him, and him playing the guitar with a plastic kids rake. His entire body from the waist up was bright red by the time the music had stopped.

I’d been on a bit of a downer again, so I figured I’d interact with Nicolas a little more than usual. It certainly worked because I was on a cloud for all of the next day.  Science says endorphins are supposed to make you happy…  dancing must release them because both my boy and I were having the time of our lives.  I used to think dancing was pointless, and to some degree it is… but if you’re feeling blue, don’t be a pig and go out and eat – go and dance with a child.  The glee in Nico’s smile was heartwarming.

Music’s got an extremely powerful effect on people – I know for sure with me.  It can bring out a whole range of emotions.  Some of the music I was playing made me wistfully  remember my youth, and made me wish I was 13 again.  I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany was one of them.  Chain Reaction by Diana Ross was another…  ahh the good old days.

I applied to join the Canadian military just for the hell of it.  I’ll certainly get refused anyway.  Too many of our boys are getting killed in Afghanistan.  Too many times I’ve sat safely in Canada and bitched and whined about how it should be done.  I don’t want to be known as one of those who shoots off at the mouth and doesn’t put it into action.  Even though I knew I’d get refused, at least applying takes me out of that category.

Same ol’ shyt is still happening on the rez.  No better, no worse.  It’ll never change.  I did have a good insight from one of the teen girls on the reserve about hatred between the families.  It seems that a lot of young people think that certain families hate other families.  Sorry to break it to everyone, but it just isn’t like that.  Certain families just want to be left alone, without being talked about, or victimised in any way shape or form.   There’s no hatred or secret agenda to stick it to other families on the rez.  Hopefully one day Dalles will be a great place to live.

I used to wonder why and get irritated at my sister, when she would sometimes interrupt me when I were trying to explain something about any particular thing.  I used to also get irritated when she would misunderstand something I might have said or done.
Today I found out rather profoundly that she’s not the only one that misunderstands some of the things I say or do.  A lot of people do.

This is down to one of two things… the global population’s unwillingness to think about things  they see or read, and evaluate what it really means or what it MIGHT mean, or my articulating skill level being around 98%.  If it’s the latter, and I’m quite willing to accept it might be, then it’s the 2% of the time that’s the problem.
I think it’s down to the fact that most people today think they don’t have enough time.  Nobody has the time to walk to work… nobody has the time to read a book… nobody has the time to go and sit in a park, just watching the trees and birds… nobody has the time to sit down without the television on and just listen to music.  Consequently I think that every time most people hear something, they subconciously think they don’t have the time to stop and muse ‘I wonder what he REALLY means.. is it possible that he might mean something else?’.
Anyway… it’s been pointed out to me by more than one person that the entry from last Thursday has been understood to have been a death threat, or threat of some violence against who I had the spat with.  It was NOT!  I can’t put it any simpler than that.

I was extremely stressed out, and after returning home I had a very heated argument with people at home.  I thought that I didn’t deserve to have that happen to me, and if I had not of had a spat at work, the spat at home would not have happened.  I briefly considered asking a friend if I could hire him to help me and see if some sort of legal action was realistic.

THAT is what I meant by a drastic solution.  The spat was a small thing, and so legal action over an argument and a few insults would be rather drastic in comparison.

I’m not in the habit of making death threats… and whilst I completely understand people having wondered about what I wrote, it is a little disappointing that people would jump to the wrong conclusion without stopping to wonder if I might mean something else.

Thursday was another very dark day. I was in an spat with two people over a parking space. Whilst I might have offended people, it was not a deliberate aim on my side of the spat, which cannot be said for the other side.

I’m feeling very aggrieved – I was insulted and extremely offended. This will not go unanswered. After I got home that evening I did speak to a buddy of mine regarding a drastic solution to this problem. Nothing has been agreed upon, but I refuse to rule it out. I’m sick of being insulted on purpose because people don’t have the social graces to remedy a tense situation without being rude.

I took Friday off so that I wouldn’t run into the other two people whilst I was still in a rage.

Watch this space for developments on this situation.

On another subject entirely… it turns out that the Canadian military are not accepting Permanent Resident applications, even though it says they do on their website. I called the recruiting center in Winnipeg to find out procedures etc. I also called the Department of National Defence in Ottawa. Watch this space for more about this subject too.

A while back I was watching APTN and seen this woman called Suzette Amaya talking about her experiences. Cut a long story short she was violated as a youth, testified against the guy and now is successfully doing her own thing as a wife, mother of two, photographer and a radio host. The radio show is called ThinkNDN and you can check that out @ www.thinkndn.ca and listen to it online at coopradio.org. Figured I could help out by registering the domain name for them, and by hosting them at nativesweb.com. The site is brand new, and was designed by a guy called Greg Pierre.

For work I’ve been trying to get details on online payments directly through a bank. Toronto Dominion told me to talk to the local branch manager which is plenty fine. CIBC are a bunch of silly fools (as a whole). Keep directing me to this Global Payments company crap. I can’t believe that a billion dollar bank such as CIBC doesn’t have any of their own systems for their customers who want to accept payments online. No wonder TD is larger than they are. I still haven’t forgotten that CIBC wouldn’t give me a loan, but TD would. As a result I hardly ever bank at CIBC anymore.

My woman’s getting all stressed out and pissed off that I want to go out on Saturday nights with my boss. She seems to think that because when she was single and went to the bar to hook up with single guys that I’m going to do that with some chick. Her bullshit is more than enough to make celibacy seem awesome, let alone pick up some drunken whore in a bar, take her home and bang her. It just ain’t me. Proudly I can say I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life.

Nico’s birthday is tomorrow. Gonna have a lil’ shindig at the Community Center. More on that later.

Of late, I’ve been getting increasingly jealous of almost everyone I speak to, or read about. I’m jealous of the guys who started Myspace, I’m jealous of people who earn more than I do… and I’m DEFINITELY jealous of the two geeks who started YouTube. A 19month old website that’s made no real profit is now being bought for US$1.65billion.

That is absolutely ridiculous AND not fair. I deserve that money. All my thoughts lately are being consumed on what I don’t have. A lot of people are almost certainly going to tell me that I should be grateful for what I do have. I have a beautiful son, and another child on the way for which I’ll be eternally thankful… but that still doesn’t get past the fact that I want riches. If not millions, then at least enough to know all my bills will be paid each month. LIFE FUKKEN SUCKS!

A buddy of mine called me a pervert – at least I think they’re a buddy. At first I thought they were taking the piss but after a little bit I wasn’t so sure. It did bother me quite a bit. I’m not sure if it’s that I thought the person thought I was alright, or if I care too much about what people think of me. I’ve always thought that I didn’t care a whole great deal but maybe I was wrong about myself?

Recently found out it cost $8 for a braid of sweetgrass. Sweetgrass can be picked for free around Kenora so that’s horse crap.

One of the rez dogs that hangs around outside my house has had eight puppies. It’s not really my dog but being me, I feel responsible so now I have a load of homes to find, else a hefty veterinarian bill. One was stolen by one of the girls on the reserve. I know exactly who it was too.