Ryan Paul

Archive for the ‘Ryan’s Rants’ Category


No Particular Title

I was totally psyched the day after my birthday – my sister called me and we spoke for around ten minutes.

She’s got a new job now after her previous asshole boss did what he does best.

Lorraine’s just come out of hospital yesterday after being in there for three days. Pancreatitis caused it and now she’s on insulin for her diabetes. We gotta start shopping real carefully too with a next-to-no-fat diet.

My cousin Storme added me to her hotmail a while ago and I didn’t know who it was. This name kept appearing on my MSN online and I ignored it coz I didn’t know who it was until I saw the avatar photo. She’s awesome most definitely. I wish I could bring Storme and Kalme to Kenora. They’d LOVE it! I wish Marie & Aunt Jennifer could come here but I doubt they ever will.

It’s mad hot here at thirty degrees – totally uncomfortable, hot and sweaty too. I wish it would rain and rain and rain and rain. No more damn forest fires. Those are a real danger too. It’s growing evidence of how much the United States and China really are messing up our environment. Why can’t people just stop using damn motor cars and use hybrids instead? Or at least tell all these stupid ass morons in Canada and the United States to stop using four wheel drive vehicles with engine sizes of 4.0L or more? It’s not needed… and more than one is just an example of western greed. I do perfectly well in my 2.0L Neon in the summer and winter so long as I drive careful and have good tires. Stupid stupid stupid.

The same idiotic fool that accused my woman of stealing from the pow-wow committee is the same idiotic fool that’s accused the Cobiness family generally of stealing, saying that they all will keep stealing.

If we’re going in for this whole trying to smear the names of members of particular families, I could sit here and tell the complete truth about quite a few people, which would not only make them look like the dirtbags they are, but no doubt they’d be up in arms over it.

There are two families on the reserve I do like, and have never had any problems with. One member of one of those families I have an issue with because something was said concerning the Cobiness family, which includes my son… but aside from that these two families are pretty decent. Don’t cause any trouble as far as I know.

The Dalles reserve is poison. All that it would take to make it a nice place is get rid of ten people, and all the families would get along famously. Obviously that’ll never happen so I’m doomed to not liking a few people forever.

Worst Birthday Ever

I’m not really sure today could be a worse day. Today was my twenty-seventh birthday and it sucked.

I woke up barely being able to see or breath because of my allergies. I had to take half a day off work.

When I got to work my boss was in a pissy mood which I’m getting real sick of. He’s always on the lookout for the tiniest little things and when he finds something he always make an issue out of it. The problem is I REALLY love my job.

I’ve misplaced my cell phone which means someone probably stole it. I lose a lot of stuff so I’m not sure if I left it somewhere or if someone ripped me off. I’m going to see if I can get one of those mp3 cellphones. I can use that while I’m at the gymnasium lifting weights.

I thought that today I’d be able to do whatever I wanted without stress from anyone, simply because it’s my birthday, but I was wrong, wasn’t I?

Someone on Yahoo! Messenger asked me today if I was thinking of suicide yet. I was amazed they’d asked.

I wish I’d gotten to speak to my sister or Susie today. That would’ve at least made things bearable.

Severe depression is the word of the day.

Still Shyt Happens

Now the Chief and a councillor have been pushing to charge people rent on the reserve. Apparently it was agreed to a long time ago.

Certain Band employees have already had their paycheque garnished. That’s a whole heap of crap. Do you think the Councillor concerned and the Chief will have their cheques garnished? Do you think they’ll be paying rent? HELL NO!

Totally sick of the double standards on this reserve. I still hold out hope that one day there’ll be a Chief & Council that will ALL act professionally instead of only one fighting to do what’s right.

Some people are saying I shouldn’t put what goes on around Dalles, on this blog. Why should I not? To the people that object to this… what are you ashamed of? Why don’t you want people to know that you’re trying to force people on welfare to pay rent, but you guys who get fat cheques every two weeks aren’t paying rent at all?

Y’all make me sick. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

What I Preach And How I Live

I’m quite aware that most of the time the way I live isn’t in line with the philosophy I like to remember. However here’s a start…

To the person who posted the comment about my daughter – to verbally assault a baby who didn’t live the way you did was the action of a coward. I know you are a coward as you did not have courage to face me, and after today I won’t give you the honor of mentioning your presence in my blog anymore – just know this… I know who you are. Do not ask me for anymore favours.

Every day I am reminded that I do not belong where I am. Every day I am reminded about all the great things about England, that I never realised existed until I left.ƒâ€š Every day I wish I could just pack my bags and take off back to England.

I’ve always had problems relating to women. Whether it manifest as shyness, or weirdness or intimidation – it’s always been there. That’s thanks to Myra Anscombe from Southborough, Kent, England. I remember one time with my best friend Susie (before she was my best friend)… she and I were up in my apartment with a buddy of ours called Mark. We were larking around with pillows – all in good fun – we ended up wrestling and I held her down by her arms for about five seconds. Thinking nothing of it I just went on about my day. The next day Mark told me that Susie got scared of me because I had a weird look in my eye. I was totally crushed. Eventually Susie realised that I didn’t mean nothing by it, but still to this day about nine years later that event bothers me.

All of my former girlfriends have done me over or have been unproductive relationships. One I met in a psychiatric children’s ward… I loved her for a long long time. We were never really together but I loved her for about eight years after I last saw her. Another I met in that same ward… she was half decent.. a complete and total nymphomaniac who had to have it all the time. Sad that she’ll never amount to much. The next was my former wife. Suffice to say that was a complete mistake I made choosing a highly insecure woman with control issues, when I was at an emotionally vunerable point in life.

The next cheated on me – which didn’t help my opinion of women generally. It was this woman that made me go through an intensive period of hating America, it’s values, it’s citizens and everything it stands for. Note – I do not classify indigenous people as part of their respective colonised lands. Luckily I mostly got over that.

My current woman has some serious problems too. Our relationship is tumultuous to say the least, but she’ll always have one up on everyone else because she’s blessed me with two beautiful children.

Literating about my current and previous female interests is to show that all the people who have screwed me over in life and done me wrong have been female – that includes my mother – so it’s comforting for me to find solace and true friendship in a woman: my best friend Susie Gardiner.