Hopeless

Today’s word of the day is hopeless.

Somebody from the reserve posted some comments on my previous blog.  Of course I didn’t like them, but I’m sure as hell not going to erase them.  That wouldn’t be right.  Censoring blogs discourages people from commenting… and any comments at all prove that a blog is popular for whatever reason.  So as long as people are reading, I’m all good with that.

I at least have to respect the person who made the comment for putting their name – most people are cowardly and don’t.  The sad thing was that I didn’t have any problem with the person who posted it at all – I still don’t, rather I’m more aware of who to be polite to and who to ignore now.  The vibes and feelings on this reserve are contagious I guess.

A comment was posted that made it seem like I talk about all Band Members which just isn’t true.  I have a problem with people who don’t do the right thing, or people who do things that are unethical. 99% of people on this reserve I really do like.  There’s just a few people who do not have the community and the welfare of the Band at heart – those are the ones I don’t like.

I was talking to Albert Jameson the other day when he was cutting trees (he’s a real decent bloke) and we got to talking about the effects of European colonisation on native people.  Told him my theory that the situations of hatred and animosity on reserves between Band members throughout Canada is a direct and purpose result of the Federal Government.  Their policy is “Let’s keep the indians fighting each other, so they won’t rise up and fight us instead”.  Albert agreed. It’s sickeningly efficient too.

It’s good that Albert is doing his thing traditionally.  His live bear trapping, fishing, hunting, the healing lodge thing…  I remember when I went back to England he asked me to get some soil from England so I did.  I got to bullshitting with him about cutting trees and bush… told him he should use a saw instead of an axe, but right away he pointed out I want to use a gas powered bush cutter hahahahaha!

Gotta respect a guy like that who’s now trying to do the right thing, traditionally and otherwise.

Whatever Stuff

The lack of direction in my life is starting to bother me more and more every day.  I mostly can’t do what I want to do without getting screamed at. My goals and aims seem to have become clouded.

It really sucks when you’ve the blues.  England’s beckoning more and more every day.

My step-mother-in-law and her husband were travelling back from Eagle Lake powwow and they hit a moose.  The moose went on top of the cab and crushed the cab of their truck.  Her airbag didn’t deploy and she got cuts and bruises.  His airbag did and hit him in the chest.  They’re real lucky to be alive.  The moose bit it of course.

Doing a website for Grandpa (Lena’s dad)… all about his service in the USMC in the Pacific.  That’ll be available to look at soon.

Being here and seeing the rampant racism from white people and the police has made me think about what goes on in England.  Of course it happens and I always knew that – now I’m more inclined to believe stories I hear.  The racism here in Canada is different though.  Different being it’s directed towards an original indigenous population who are being oppressed and becoming victims by an alien system (the Federal government) in their own homes and lands.

I am so fukking stressed out it’s not even funny.

Enough

I’ll keep the previous blog there because it’s a record of my thoughts… but I’ve in the last five minutes changed my way of thinking on everything in the last blog (except for the hope about Canada’s aboriginal people rising up).  I wonder what’s the Ojibwe word for ‘intifada’?

Anyway the reason for my change of heart is I was reading the BBC News website about the murder of 54 children in Qana, Lebanon.  I thought to myself ‘what right do I have to gripe and bitch about woes and sadness when there’s children across the ocean having to worry about staying alive, let alone worrying about the snidey gossiping of a few of their community?’.

I’ve made a permanent decision – I’m not going to allow the snideyness and vindictiveness on Dalles get to me any more.  There is far more important things in life to worry and think about.  There’ll always be five people on this reserve that I do not like, but I don’t for one second wish anybody on Dalles harm.  It’s not right for me or anyone else to think like that.

It said in the news that Israel has agreed to a 48hour cessation in aerial bombing of South Lebanon to investigate the murder.  After the murder of 750 civilian non-combatant Lebanese, this is a welcome announcement.  Maybe they’ll have the sense to stop it altogether and go in on the ground with troops like men instead of wimping out and bombing from hundreds of feet in the air?

No Particular Title

I was totally psyched the day after my birthday – my sister called me and we spoke for around ten minutes.

She’s got a new job now after her previous asshole boss did what he does best.

Lorraine’s just come out of hospital yesterday after being in there for three days. Pancreatitis caused it and now she’s on insulin for her diabetes. We gotta start shopping real carefully too with a next-to-no-fat diet.

My cousin Storme added me to her hotmail a while ago and I didn’t know who it was. This name kept appearing on my MSN online and I ignored it coz I didn’t know who it was until I saw the avatar photo. She’s awesome most definitely. I wish I could bring Storme and Kalme to Kenora. They’d LOVE it! I wish Marie & Aunt Jennifer could come here but I doubt they ever will.

It’s mad hot here at thirty degrees – totally uncomfortable, hot and sweaty too. I wish it would rain and rain and rain and rain. No more damn forest fires. Those are a real danger too. It’s growing evidence of how much the United States and China really are messing up our environment. Why can’t people just stop using damn motor cars and use hybrids instead? Or at least tell all these stupid ass morons in Canada and the United States to stop using four wheel drive vehicles with engine sizes of 4.0L or more? It’s not needed… and more than one is just an example of western greed. I do perfectly well in my 2.0L Neon in the summer and winter so long as I drive careful and have good tires. Stupid stupid stupid.

The same idiotic fool that accused my woman of stealing from the pow-wow committee is the same idiotic fool that’s accused the Cobiness family generally of stealing, saying that they all will keep stealing.

If we’re going in for this whole trying to smear the names of members of particular families, I could sit here and tell the complete truth about quite a few people, which would not only make them look like the dirtbags they are, but no doubt they’d be up in arms over it.

There are two families on the reserve I do like, and have never had any problems with. One member of one of those families I have an issue with because something was said concerning the Cobiness family, which includes my son… but aside from that these two families are pretty decent. Don’t cause any trouble as far as I know.

The Dalles reserve is poison. All that it would take to make it a nice place is get rid of ten people, and all the families would get along famously. Obviously that’ll never happen so I’m doomed to not liking a few people forever.

Work And Life

Work is going good… fortunately I’m in a job that I truly love. Web development… behind the scenes construction of web sites… additions, changes, deletions. I want to expand but it’s not my business so there’s no way. Going out on my own might be an option far in the future, but it’s not feasible now.

I had a major harddrive meltdown on Monday. The PC wouldn’t boot to Windows. I lost a day’s pay by staying at home on Tuesday which made me rather mad. Luckily we retrieved 20GB of data and so now we’re working off the external hard drive and the other internal hard drive that doesn’t have the operating system on.

Life with Nicolas is going great. He’s potty trained almost 100%. Every so often he’ll dump in his pants, but he’s got the whole thing down. Saving us a ton of money in diapers… lot more underpants washing though.

I want to move to Vancouver, but it’ll never happen because I have to be where my boy is, and Lorraine would never agree to taking him there. She’ll never move away from Kenora either.

I’m successfully keeping up the pumping iron regime at the recreation centre gymnasium. I’m going four times a week but after this weekend I’ll be going five days a week. My rest days will be Wednesday and Saturday. Eating five times a day is getting hard to keep with but it’s all worth it because I’ve already put on about 6lbs in weight. The weights I lift are getting heavier each time. You wouldn’t think that lifting two 5lb weights in front and side lateral raises is very hard but my personal trainer Darryl is teaching me the correct technique for everything… and lifting those two five pound weights hurts like hell after 4 sets of 15.

Getting into the fitness lifestyle is very hard to start with but a breeze once you’re into it. I find myself wanting to go to the gym every day, but of course the muscle rest time is needed.

I still hate a few certain people who live on this reserve. Hate is something hard for me to let go of (if ever) once I start. I don’t hate for petty reasons either.

Good thing is that England beat Trinidad & Tobago two nil in the World Cup. Beckham, Lampard, Gerrard and Rooney are the golden guys… I think we’re going to win it this time. I’m certain that if we do, I’m going to have to break my rule of no alcohol, get wasted and party for the whole damn weekend. If England wins the World Cup, I reckon it should be turned into a national holiday.

Crappy Canadian television is still running crappy sports like Ice Hockey, Basketball and Baseball when the World Cup is on. Isn’t it a bit ironic that Canada and the U.S’s major sports are all pirated from British games, or are British invented? Like hellooooooo get some originality… invent your own games!