Stuff of Late

Yup it’s been a while.  The usual excuse – work is crazy.

I finally got my car back after about two or three weeks.  I was so happy to see it, I jumped out of the rental and gave my car a hug.  I’m never going to switch away from Toyota.  And seriously doubt if I’ll ever switch from a Matrix.  It’s not just an urban myth that Japanese cars are better than any of the North American brands.

I’ve figured out why a certain person came into my life and then left it again so soon.  So I think the phrase needed is ‘at peace’.  Understanding why definitely helps a lot.

Regarding the whole pallava with that former friend, I told her something I heard and I thought they should know about someone close to them.  I got into a minor spot of trouble for that – no biggie.  What irritated me is she’d done the exact same thing about one of their friends a while before that, and now they don’t talk.  Ironic the same situation happened eh.  Anyways…  I’ve learnt that I’m going to keep my mouth shut.  For instance… I know something… not terrible (depending on your point of view), but something I’d want to know if I was in a relationship with someone.  But I’m not going to reveal it for anything – partly because nothing might come of it – and that person will just have to find out for themselves (if they ever do).

So anyways… on the whole… things are going splendidly.  Nicolas and Alex are getting far easier to handle although still far from easy.  It’s better now I have a Playstation 2 and TV for Nicolas as well as ADSL internet access at home.  Just gotta get cable tv and everything will be sweet.

Summer’s coming!  I can feel it in the air, lots of loving everywhere, just gimme the night.

Imagine

Imagine there’s no Heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

Staying On Top

Without a doubt it feels much better being on top hahahaha! It’s a state of being – a frame of mind.

I won’t deny, my thoughts do stray occasionally to situations which aren’t going to change anytime soon, but I did learn a valuable lesson over the last couple of months:

• Don’t trust someone when they say they’ll wait for you, and then leave you hanging.
• Don’t trust women in general.
• Stop being passionate about life, love, and friends.
• Learn to become an emotionally stunted bastard.

Been listening to a lotta feel good music lately. My favourite track at the moment is ‘He’s The Greatest Dancer‘ by Sister Sledge.  Been bumping that track at least ten times a day.  Doing a lot of chair dancing whilst working away at websites.  Put my headphones on, and I’m rocking out.  Yeeeeeahhhhhhhhh

Weather is warming up… sun is shining.  I know people’s moods are generally connected to the weather, but with me the cold is ridiculously effective at sinking me into depression.

I’ve been doing some mad crushing over Mutya Buena.  I crush on a few people.. but the fact that Mutya’s a Londoner definitely adds to the attraction.  My hugest crushes are:

• ***********
• **************
• Salma Hayek
• Mutya Buena
• Megan Good
• Janet Jackson

Getting the internet hooked up at my place tomorrow – yayyy highspeed internet at home is almost a new concept for me hahaha!

Prolly gonna be taking a road trip out west towards Hobbema to see some buddies, and then on towards Vancouver. Oh yeah, and I’m writing a song.  It might take a while, but it’s definitely coming.

Annie

Sometimes when I’m feeling down I watch these YouTube videos from the movie ‘Annie’. They ALWAYS put me in a better mood – reminding me of my childhood. Not sure what strikes a chord with me. Maybe I kinda related to the fact of a child in the system without a family arounde. Ever since the first time I saw that movie, I’ve had a crush on ‘Pepper’. Still do hahaha.

Together At Last

I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here

You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile

It’s A Hard Knock Life

We’ve Got Annie

Sign

Little Girls

Easy Street

Let’s Go To The Movies

Maybe

Sandy

Tomorrow

Finally It’s Happened To Me

Love the title… great song by Cece Peniston – just downloaded the original version after two previous attempts.

Anyway… it seems more than a few people have been making assumptions about what I write in my blog without taking the time to think that maybe I might be talking in metaphors for reasons such as protecting people’s privacy, situation, reputation etc.

The phrases regarding finding a happy place, or going away to somewhere nobody can hurt me… or my favourite ‘finding my place in the sun’ are all metaphors.  In hindsight I can see why some might assume about those phrases – but it kinda irritates me somewhat that people didn’t think it could mean something else too.

Finding my place in the sun is a state of mind… a frame of being. It’s about going to a place mentally and emotionally where a person is impervious to all emotions except happiness. It’s about getting to a mental state where nothing hurts or saddens anymore. I’m well aware I need to find that happy place and I’m well on my way.

Last night an acquaintance mentioned about the fact they didn’t like the way I parent.  Coming from the person it did, actually made me rather angry.  I’ve NEVER proclaimed to be a good parent, or that I know it all.  In fact, a while ago I approached that person asking for help and advice – thinking that I would get the advice I needed.  I never ever thought I would be judged for it.  All I’ve ever tried to do is be a parent to the best of my ability, so it definitely didn’t feel good when that person said that.  I always thought the important thing is that I’m trying… making an effort – but I guess to some people it’s not.  I take care of my children.  Others may do a better job, but that’s life.

Things in certain situations crystallized for me last night. There’s no anger, resentment or hard feelings. I’m actually kind’ve surprised at the way I’m feeling right now.  There’s a lot of things unsaid, that will remain unsaid forevermore.  The interior is still vulnerable but the exterior is hardening like quick-dry cement – hence the title. It’s going to take a f**king atom bomb to crack it this time that I can guarantee.  All good things come to an end I guess.  So now there’s nothing stopping me from finding my place in the sun, metaphorically and actually.